Managing Online Harassment and Cyberstalking

Online harassment can be an easy thing to overlook.

A few text messages, some comments on Instagram, name-calling via the phone, perhaps someone bouncing back into your inbox through a fake account, someone leaving your business false reviews online. Not troubling, right? Sticks and stones etc?

Wrong.

Cyber harassment, trolling, and stalking (there’s a slight difference) have serious impacts.

This study found that people victimised in this manner experienced serious mental health impacts, including anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and suicidal ideation.

In my own practice with traumatised people, I’ve treated several clients who have been harassed/stalked in this manner. These behaviours can be threatening, damaging and scary. They often involve frequent and uncontrollable intrusions (e.g., thousands of messages) leaving someone feeling constantly on edge, and worried about escalation into physical harm.

In many jurisdictions, these behaviours are illegal. It’s important to address these behaviours as illegal instead of just brushing them off, because without assertive intervention, they won’t always stop.

 What is Online Harassment?

There’s a cross-over between various types of online abuse, from one-off bullying comments, to more protracted harassment, trolling of a public figure, or stalking.

Stalking is a behaviour which involves a series of repeated, unwanted intrusions into a person’s life, where these intrusions may be reasonably expected to cause fear or apprehension. Trolling is a little different, and involves acting in deceptive, disruptive and destructive ways in internet social settings with no apparent purpose.

People who stalk and those who troll have different personality structures and motivations. In general, stalkers have a personal (real or imagined) relationship with the victim, and are often invested in pursuing that specific person. Trolls, on the other hand, just want to troll. You, or anyone.

TL;DR? The stalker is victim-specific, the troll is not.

Managing Online Harassment

Regardless of the specific behaviour, it’s important to know what to do if faced with this, especially if the behaviour is protracted and has crossed into the realms of harassment and stalking.

ASK FOR IT TO STOP

If being stalked, it can sometimes be helpful to send one firm message labelling the behaviour as intrusive, and asking for it to stop. This will only have effect with some stalkers, not so with a troll (who will likely see this as a win).

If you do send a ‘stop now’ message, it’s important to keep it short, sharp, and clear, and to ensure you don’t rationalise or plead.

Once you have said you won’t have any further contact with the person harassing you, it’s important to stick to this boundary, otherwise the harassment will be reinforced (i.e., ‘if I push hard enough, she will cave’).

A message like this may not be appropriate for certain types of stalkers, such as someone who is stalking a public figure, or if there’s been a history of coercive control perpetrated by the person stalking. In these instances, move on to the next step.

BLOCK CONTACT

Block the person harassing you from all your social media channels, and consider locking your social media down until the harassment has ceased. Sometimes people don’t want to do this as they then won’t see messages, but leaving communication channels open is counter productive.

USE LEGAL OPTIONS

It may be worth investigating intervention orders/apprehended violence orders (in Australia, these can be granted in the form of family violence orders, or personal safety orders). These are most often civil orders, prohibiting contact and breaches of these orders often involve criminal proceedings.

If the behaviour has crossed a threshold (such as if someone is sending hundreds of messages, has made threats, or is name-calling), then this may be a criminal offence and it may be beneficial to involve police.

These behaviours should be seen as a pattern of behaviour, and it may be helpful to highlight to the police, courts or anyone assisting, that this is part of a pattern of stalking/coercive control/intimate partner violence.

Sometimes professionals don’t put the pieces together, and this is essential when managing stalking or harassment.

SEEK SUPPORT

It’s important for other people in your life to know this is happening. Don’t be ashamed or feel like you need to manage it alone. If the behaviour involves threats, intimidation or anything which makes you feel afraid, or if you are concerned that there will be physical approaches, then it may be helpful to flag this with your work, friends, and family.

It’s important to tell key people in your life about the harassment/stalking so they don’t provide any information about you to the stalker.

Friends and family/workplaces can also provide an additional level of security screening, such as by checking mail.

If the behaviour is occurring at the end of an intimate relationship — as is common with stalking — then seeking support from a specialist family violence agency may be helpful.

KEEP EVIDENCE

It’s important to keep evidence in case matters go to court or result in prosecution. It may be tempting to delete everything, but it’s important to screenshot all messages and calls, save emails, log any physical approaches, and keep evidence of any other form of contact. Over time, this also helps build a pattern, which can often influence law enforcement professionals to act.

(Please note that this information is general, and may not be applicable or helpful for you. If currently being stalked/harassed, it may be wise to consult a professional with appropriate forensic expertise)

Additional Support?

000, emergency services (Australia)
1800-RESPECT (Australia)
131114, Lifeline (Australia)